Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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