see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
