Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My pussy is not your playground.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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