Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
