I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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