once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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