I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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