I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there's paper in my vomit.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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