girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
