Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
