dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
