I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I pour the whiskey from now on
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
