but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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