yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
