Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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