He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
