quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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