Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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