so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
