im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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