so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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