Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i already hear my dad disowning me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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