I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
