Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
