i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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