..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
