She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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