i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can I color on your dick again?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
