I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
