Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
