the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
