Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
