I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
