the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
