I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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