so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
