How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
