Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
