Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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