i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
