is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
