Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
