i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
