I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
