Christians are straight up FREAKS
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
