I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
