i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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