brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
