I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
