youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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