after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He felt like a one man threesome
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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