everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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