Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
