so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
