You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
