You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
