she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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