he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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