OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
