Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
