Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're too hungover to prance.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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