well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
