Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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