"it" just moved
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
