Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
