There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
