can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
