Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
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Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize