OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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