The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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