I can text with my tongue
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
two words...techno handjob
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
