I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
