I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.