No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.