Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina