I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
