enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me