im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
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I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?